Shadows

by Makeshift Lullaby

/
1.
Wednesday night romance, the lovers hit the street, smoking cigarettes he bought from the bodega, so cheap. She kisses him with passion as he sweeps her off her feet, with a force so swift and strong, her aching heart skips a beat. But what he doesn't know about this gracious lady, so sweet, is that if he wants her more than once, he's got some others to compete with. She doesn't care, he seems to be happy, if only for a single night, his own small eternity. So, he takes her hand and he leads the way, they can worry about details another time, another day. It's not enough for him he's done this all a thousand times before, because in the back of his mind, she can be one more. Oh, gracious lady. They take the quiet walk back to the bar, positively amazed they've even made it this far. Their friends dissect every single move they make, with eyes like razor blades, cutting away. They take comfort in each other's warm lips, leaving no space to breathe, hands on each other's hips. The lovers write a story as they continue to pretend, and the plot line thickens, but doesn't ever seem to end. Oh, gracious lady.
2.
04:55
From the walls and streets of Astor Place, to the serenity of my saving grace, to the graffiti tattooed on the walls of my mind, I'm thinking about the better days when we fit together in every way but, these days, it seems that feeling is so hard to find. But I'm a long way from home, and this argument is over. Now I'm hanging up the phone. Because, on and on, we sing this song, pretending that we know its true meaning. It's a metaphor for the way we are, speaking our words in tongue. But the points just seem to evaporate as we go along. I breathe in the air of memory as I make my way down this crowded street, without an image or a care in my head. The evening breaks and triggers street lights under this moonlit summer sky, and it paints a portrait of orange and red. Still, I'm a long way from home, and to understand this decision, I'll take this walk alone. Because, on and on, we sing this song, pretending that we know its true meaning. It's a metaphor for the way we are, speaking our words in tongue, but the points just seem to evaporate as we go along. Well, I wish you wouldn't be so vain, and I wish you weren't associated with my name. How much longer must we play this game... another week, another year, another time span mapped with fear? Another month, another day? You never mattered anyway. Because on and on, we sing this song, pretending that we know its true meaning. It's a metaphor for the way we are, speaking our words in tongue, but the points just seem to evaporate as we go along.
3.
So, there you stood, on the corner of Warburton and Main, with looks to kill and words to do the same. It's days like that I realize that you truly are alone, and that I'm not coming home. I can see this moment as it passes me right by. I can see this moment, and I'll spend the rest of my life wondering why. And now we stand, on the corner of Warburton and Main, with little of our patience for this game. It's nights like these that I realize that I truly am alone, and that I have no place to call my own. I can see this moment as it passes me right by. I can this moment, and I'll spend the rest of my life wondering why.
4.
Go ahead, steal my words and use them as your own. I don't like when you take that plaigeristic tone. These thoughts repeat in multiples, just dancing through my head. Round and round they go, over and over again. Well, I'm not one to call you on your vain and eager ways, and I'm not one to hold you down when you're walking all over me. There you go, once again, ruling on your throne. Your entire world of reign consists of me alone. Well, I'm not one to call you on your vain and eager ways, and I'm not one to hold you down when you're walking all over me.
5.
Porcelain teeth, cherry flavored lipgloss surrounds a mouth fighting to hide what it truly wishes to reveal. When every day becomes a battle and every breath holds dear, when does it become time to draw the line? Stay quiet now, you may wake the monster, and foil the plans we've fought so hard to keep. There's a whole new world left for us to see, so let's make our escape, now, while he sleeps. Porcelain teeth, cherry flavored lipgloss, surrounds a mouth fearing to tell a soul what it truly means to feel pain. When every day becomes a battle and every breath could be your last, when does it become time to say goodbye? Stay quiet now, you may wake the monster, and foil the plans we've fought so hard to keep. There's a whole new world left for us to see, so let's make our escape, now, while he sleeps. Running mascara, the tears smear hope over the victim's lucid eyes, fighting every moment to stay awake. She heaves, expelling the liquid remedies she's consumed to take her pain away. Stay quiet now, you may wake the monster, and foil the plans we've fought so hard to keep. There's a whole new world left for us to see, so let's make our escape, now, while he sleeps.
6.
The morning broke with news both grand and bleak, and was met by a sense of ignorant indifference. When I awoke, there was a task I was meant to meet, but was brushed aside and stripped of all its purpose. And, just like that, it all became clear to me that the dream had been pulled abruptly from beneath us. Now I can't apologize for my inability to remove myself from this blanket of security. Because I can't force them all to listen to what they've already heard, and I can't change the fact that they can't seem to ever find the words. What I do know that where we are now is quite far from where we were and, if we don't change now, we doom ourselves to what they all said would occur. We haven't spoken past the obvious it seems in months, or days, or weeks. I can't recall, it all blurs as one single time span to me. As we drift and float, indefinitely apart, the only thing that seems uniting is the love of the art. But what is overlooked and cast aside in this never ending fight is the fact that none of it seems reflective underneath a different light. And I can't bleed what I don't feel just for the sake of a brand, and I can't maturity to those too young to understand. There's no feeling in forcing masses to clap and sing upon command if all they wan't to do is watch and remain, lifeless, where they stand. If I only knew then what I know, we would have never come this far. If I only knew... I can't bleed what I don't feel just for the sake of the brand, and I can't market an experience to those who will never understand. There's no feeling in forcing masses to clap and sing upon command if all they want to do is watch and remain, lifeless, where they stand. And we can't force them all to listen to the same generic song, and act surprised and insulted when they don't want to sing along. And as we come to the end of all we did resulting from our youth, will we let ourselves fall apart at this great moment of truth?
7.
04:15
I am a child, born of the marriage of dependency and reckless intent, giver of messages that could only be crafted by the heart's inner deepest lament for the things I've done, the battles I've won, even if at the cost of my friends, for the loss of love that came as a result of the very regrets that only made me stronger in the end. But you were my chance to survive, the one fleeting I have to keep alive, with the spark you've ignited inside that starts a fire the second your skin touches mine. I've watched the certainties in life turn out to be false claims and watched my sanity come unglued, but you have proven to be the most worthy kind of happiness I've ever pursued. You were my chance to survive, the one fleeting I have to keep alive, with the spark you've ignited inside that starts a fire the second your skin touches mine.
8.
It's amazing to me how, out of all my memories, you're the only one that won't fade with age. And after eighteen years have passed, your tiny shadow is still cast over a set of scenery that remains the same. I still have that dream where we walk the city streets and rant, back and forth, on and on, about everything. But at the end of each one, I look up and you're gone, and I'm left here with nothing more than a memory. It seems to hit me more as the "big years" come and go and I find myself reaching milestones that I now have so much more to prove than any one man can strive to, because I have to live twice as hard for the life that never came to you. I still have that dream where we walk the city streets and rant, back and forth, on and on, about everything. But at the end of each one, I look up and you're gone, and I'm left here with nothing more than a memory. In every single one of those dreams, I fight for every second longer I can stay asleep, because I know with every bit of certainty that I have precious little time for you to see the life that I've lived, how much things have changed since we were kids, and I'd hope that somewhere, somehow, that you'd be proud of me. I still have that dream where we walk the city streets and rant, back and forth, on and on, about everything. But at the end of each one, I look up and you're gone, and I'm left here with nothing more than a memory.
9.
04:45
I lay awake in bed and wonder how I got to be so numb. I watch the sun make its way across the room until the day is done. It's not the shadows I live in that I find to be a growing cause of concern, but rather that they continue to haunt me even when the sun makes its return. Have I passed my prime? Have I all but lost my mind? Have I made the biggest mistake of any or all time? I lay awake in bed and wonder how I can ever be so numb. This bottle that I drink from puts a harsh tone on the words of my tongue. It's not the shadows I live in that I find to be a growing cause of concern, but rather that they continue to haunt me even when the sun makes its return. Have I passed my prime? Have I all but lost my mind? Have I made the biggest mistake of any or all time?
10.
We wish only for the best, yet spend all our time settling for less. We waste our lives making these endless requests, but in the end, do we ever benefit? We watch our lives pass us by, a lifetime gone in the blink of an eye, and we make our lists of things to do before we die, but in the end, we're only as good as the ride. Well, I want you all to know that I'm doing the best I can. When this is all over, I hope I can understand, the voice beneath the man. We lay our worries to rest when we're sure we've passed all of life's little tests, but no matter how much material we possess, in the end, the pain will always manifest. Well, I want you all to know that I'm doing the best I can. When this is all over, I hope I can understand, the voice beneath the man.
11.
Take a breath and take a bow. Have a smoke to calm you down. Reflect upon the promises I knew you'd never keep. Now I know, you won't be coming home to me. Take a breath and take a bow. Burn your ties and promises right down to the ground. Put on another puppet show, but this time don't use me. I'm sure there's tons of other pawns that would love your company. Don't even try. Your money is no good here; your credit is sky high. Don't even try, because I know all your secrets and I've heard all the lies. Take this in and take it now, and just know that your words may one day bring you down. Everything that you once thought that you held so close and dear will vanish soon into the night. Don't even try. Your money is no good here; your credit is sky high. Don't even try, because I know all your secrets and all your alibis.
12.
We may not be the smartest kids, and I know we lack the class of some, but I can guarantee we have more fun than anyone. Between hidden meanings in our story lines, the subtle hints between two sides, I can't recall a time that I've had so much fun. And for this endless five days, I'll live nocturnally, fighting sleep and simple nourishment my body needs, allow exhaustion to take hold of every corner of my psyche just to pass out in your arms in the quiet hours of the morning. I'll embrace the simple feelings we've allowed to bud, and taste the bittersweet life in this lustful blood, if it means I'll spend another hour fighting everything I know is guaranteed to end the second you get up and go. We got tonight. We've got one night for all this to last, before it's all in the past and everybody goes their separate ways. The comfort of our private thoughts, now documented at the cost of prying eyes that just can't wait. And for this endless five days, I'll live nocturnally, fighting sleep and simple nourishment my body needs, allow exhaustion to take hold of every corner of my psyche just to pass out in your arms in the quiet hours of the morning. I'll embrace the simple feelings we've allowed to bud, and taste the bittersweet life in this lustful blood, if it means I'll spend another hour fighting everything I know is guaranteed to end the second you get up and go. We got tonight. If anyone knew what could have become, if anyone could savor such a time, it's us. We got tonight.
13.
These past couple weeks have been nothing but tests, a series of meals I can't seem to digest. And, although we have issues, you are my sustenance, and I'm starving for you. I've spent enough of my time writing out detailed lists, drinking far too much wine, verbalizing with fists, just trying to figure out just what it is I miss: the thought or the presence? Oh, I'm no good on my own, not enough to justify what I've tried to postpone. So come back to me, where you belong, at home. Just please, come back to me. Come set me free.
14.
There was a time that I believed the very thing that I need is a healthy sense of self-respect and dignity. This self empowered sort of drive helped me keep a dying dream alive and develop strength and confidence in my abilities. And now, I think I'm ready. I've learned to be the person I'm supposed to be, and I've learned that this world isn't just about me. I've learned. They may knock me for my ideals, for the things I do, for the way I feel, but their words are paper bullets and my skin is made of steel. The urgency of this crusade is just what I've tried to disobey, as to not get caught in the loveless bed I'd made. My desire to be that person has decayed. I've learned to be the person I'm supposed to be, and I've learned that this world isn't just about me. I've learned.

about

"Shadows" is the debut full length album of Makeshift Lullaby, originally a solo project turned full band. Throughout its three-year existence, the band featured a variety of different musicians on guitar, drums, and piano, but always featured John Black (vocals/guitar) and Andrew Iuso (bass/backing vocals). The album was recorded over the course of a full year, between November 2009 and November 2010, at various different recording studios in New York with producer Tom Rosato acting as producer/engineer. The album was officially released on iTunes on March 22, 2011. Makeshift Lullaby disbanded in April 2012.

credits

released March 22, 2011

Produced and Engineered by Tom Rosato of Stacks of Wax Productions.
Recorded, mixed and mastered at Jersville Studios and Sonart Studios in Kingston, NY

All songs written and composed by John Black and Makeshift Lullaby

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John Black New York, New York

JOHN BLACK originally hails from NYC. Formerly the frontman of the powerhouses MAKESHIFT LULLABY and SARAH'S REDEMPTION, he began to release music under his solo moniker in 2015 hoping to branch out. His music has been described as a haunting blend of ambient pop with definitive rock influences and intelligent, catchy lyrics and choruses. ... more

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